Transcript: 5 Powerful Steps for Bonding Newborn and Toddler (Without Tears!)

This is a text transcript from The First Time Mum’s Chat podcast. The episode is called 5 Powerful Steps for Bonding Newborn and Toddler (Without Tears!) and you can click on the link to view the full episode page, listen to the episode and view the show notes.

Welcome to First Time Mum’s Chat. I’m Helen Thompson, a childcare educator and baby massage instructor, with over 20 years of experience, here to help you find peace and calm in those busy, often overwhelming early years of motherhood. On this podcast, we explore ways to help you feel more confident, connected, and supported as you care for your little one.

Today we’re talking about something many moms face when their family grows, introducing a new baby to a toddler.

How do you help your toddler feel loved and secure when so much of your attention is suddenly focused on their new sibling?

We’ll cover practical strategies to make this transition smoother, from involving your toddler in caring for their baby brother or sister, to using simple rituals that keep your bond strong.

I’ll also share a beautiful children’s book, There’s a House inside My Mummy by Giles Andreae, a gentle rhyming picture book told through a toddler’s eyes. It’s perfect for helping little ones understand their mommy’s pregnancy and the arrival of a sibling. You’ll find the link in the show notes.

Whether you are pregnant now or have just brought your new baby home, this episode will give you tools to help everyone including you feel calmer and more connected. So let’s get started.

As someone who’s not only a big sister myself, but also a childcare educator and baby massage instructor, I’ve seen firsthand how toddlers can react when a new baby arrives, and I’ve learned a few simple ways to help them adjust with love and confidence.

When my younger sister was born, I was four years old. I remember my parents telling me I was going to have a new brother or sister. On the day she was born at home, as we all were, my oldest sister who was six at the time, and I were waiting outside mom’s bedroom. There was a sign on the door that said “No Entry”, and I recall asking my sister what it meant. She told me, and I remember feeling that something exciting was happening behind the door, even though I didn’t fully understand what.

then the sign changed to “Enter”, and I rushed in, excited to see what all the waiting had been for. I saw my baby sister for the first time with her full head of hair, so tiny in mom’s arms, and I said, oh, is that what I’ve been waiting for? Things are often done differently today, but that moment has stayed with me all my life.

I remember helping mom and dad change her nappies and sitting in the bath with her while mom washed her. I felt proud telling my teacher at school that I had a baby sister.

A few years earlier, when I was born, my sister Catherine, was just two. She told me that she remembers being with our dad, playing and singing Humpty Dumpty to me. She was aware of how small I was and was very much included in caring for me. From the stories I’ve been told and the photos I’ve seen, I know Catherine was a big part of those early days. One of my favorite photos is of mom holding me in her arms, both of us smiling, while Catherine looks on. I like to call it mom and Catherine having a giggle together. It captures the warmth and connection that siblings can share right from the very start, even when they’re still little themselves.

Here are some gentle ways you can help your toddler feel included and secure when their new sibling arrives.

Give them a special helper role. Invite your toddler to help with small age-appropriate jobs, like bringing a nappy or choosing a baby’s outfit, but make it feel like a game that’s so important, not a task. Use playful language like, “Would Teddy like to help pick baby’s socks today?” If they say, no, that’s perfectly okay. Respect their response and maybe suggest they fetch their doll or teddy and “help” alongside you. That way, they’re still included without pressure and it becomes a shared moment, not something they feel made to do. These small jobs, make them feel important and involved.

Create a big sibling routine. Toddlers thrive on predictability and having a short daily ritual that’s just for them, helps them feel secure.

You might also enjoy creating a little ritual, like waving a scarf to music or singing your toddler’s favorite song. This not only helps them feel seen but engages their senses and brings calm through rhythm, sound and movement. I once did this with a toddler I cared for. He waved his scarf while singing and it became our little moment, especially when his baby brother was asleep. You can also encourage them to do it with the baby as well while they’re lying down. That can get them involved in the process too.

This could be a bedtime cuddle and story, a short morning dance or a few minutes of tummy tickles after lunch. These consistent moments tell your toddler, “You are still my special someone” even when so much of your attention is on the new baby. These little routines also help ease jealousy and create lasting memories of connection.

Use stories to prepare them. Book can be powerful tools to help toddlers understand change and explore feelings. There’s a House Inside My Mummy is a gentle favorite that introduces the idea of baby growing inside their mom. You can also read stories after the baby arrives that focus on the ups and downs of becoming a big sibling. Two lovely options include:

* I’m a Big Sister, or I’m a Big Brother by Joanna Cole, which celebrate the joys of the new role.

* Little Big Feelings: I Feel Jealous by Campbell Books, which helps toddlers name and talk about tricky emotions with the help of sturdy flaps and clear pictures.

And of course, don’t underestimate the magic of storytelling from the heart.

One of the strongest memories I have from my own childhood is our dad reading to us, not just when my little sister was a baby, but throughout those early years. We used to snuggle up together on the couch as a little family for storytime.

Sometimes it was a book and sometimes he’d make up his own stories. He loved The Jungle Book and Alice in Wonderland, and he brought them to life in such a fun and vivid way. It was a simple ritual, but one I still cherish to this day.

Reading stories, whether from a book or your own imagination, gives your toddler something to look forward to, helps build connection and often reassures in a time of big changes and it also helps their language development as well.

This memory is such a lasting one that I still bring it to my work with families to this day.

You’ll find link to the books mentioned in the show notes.

Include them in baby massage time. Even if you’ve never massaged your toddler before, it’s never too late to start. Invite them to join you while you massage the baby, perhaps using a doll or teddy. You can gently talk about what you’re doing:

” I’m rubbing his tummy very gently. Is your teddy enjoying that too? They might copy your strokes or make up their own. Say things like,

” Does your teddy like foot tickles too?” or “Shall we both rub their tummies together?” This shared activity encourages empathy, pretend play and helps with early language development and social skills.

You could encourage them to do the same motions on their teddy or doll, creating a parallel experience that makes them feel involved without disrupting the calm of baby’s massage time. This simple activity offers both tactile and auditory stimulation, and can be a soothing way for your toddler to feel included while reinforcing their special role.

These moments create a calm space for connection between you and your baby and your toddler. This not only makes them feel part of the process, but also supports early language development and builds empathy and social skills. You might even find your toddler asking, “Does baby need a burp? Mine just did” and these little moments of imaginative play really help them process what’s happening around them.

You can let your toddler know that they can have a massage too, just like the baby sibling. It can be a lovely way to wind down at bedtime or simply to connect one-on-one. We could do this as a special time just for you and me. I could tell you a story as a massage, would that be fun?

Make feeding time inclusive. If you’re bottle feeding your toddler could help hold the bottle. If not, invite them to snuggle beside you for a cuddle or a story, or they might like to sing a quiet song to the baby. I often see lovely videos of toddlers and dads singing together while mom feeds, sometimes even with the family pet getting in on the action. You could also ask them if they want to bring a teddy or a doll and feed them while you are sitting feeding the baby.

Give them space to express their feelings. Sometimes toddlers just need to say, ” I miss you, or ” I want to be the baby.” Acknowledge those feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel that way and remind them they’re still your special little person.

Celebrate their new role. You could give them a certificate, badge or simply offer praise when they’re gentle or helpful. Celebrate those small wins and make a big deal about what a great big sibling they are and how supportive they’re being, and how loving they’re being.

L ooking for more ways to stay connected with your little ones, even during those busy newborn days?

I’ve created a free baby massage routine guide that includes four gentle techniques you can use to soothe your baby and even include your toddler by letting them practice with a doll or teddy. It’s a lovely way to make everyone feel part of the moment. You can grab your copy at MyBabyMassage.net/routines, that’s MyBabyMassage.net/routines. It is completely free and lovely tool to help bring a little more calm into your day.

You can also create a happy, cozy corner. Sometimes toddlers just need a place of their own, especially when things feel a little overwhelming. Rather than calling it a naughty corner, why not create a happy, cozy corner?

This is a calm, inviting space where your toddler can go and rest, play, or just be. Let them choose their own blanket, pillow, and a few favorite books or soft toys to keep there. You can make it a bonding activity by decorating the space together and allowing them to be creative in their own space.

Having a place they can retreat to, on their own terms, helps them feel in control and can be a healthy way to cope with big emotions without punishment or shame. And I want to stress that without punishment or shame. That’s so important to allow them those big emotions and give them the space to do it.

When I think about my own experience, I realize how much those little moments of inclusion mattered. It wasn’t about being perfect or doing everything right as a parent. It was about those times we were made to feel part of something exciting, important, and full of love.

Your toddler might not remember every detail, but they’ll carry the feeling of being loved, valued, and included, and that feeling will help shape the relationship they have with their own siblings for years to come. I still have that today with my own siblings.

Introducing a new baby to a toddler can feel daunting, but is also a wonderful opportunity to nurture a bond that will last a lifetime. By including your toddler in small, meaningful ways and making space for their feelings, you can help them feel secure, valued, and deeply connected to their new sibling.

I had a recent experience in a family I was working with. He had a really deep connection with his sibling. He was so fond of his sibling. He would do lots of special things for his sibling, and I really valued that. It goes to show how having that bond and that connection and giving your toddler that opportunity to have that connection, is so valuable.

So as you welcome your new little one, remember. It’s not just about preparing for the baby, but it’s also about protecting and nurturing your toddler’s heart. A few small, consistent actions can make all the difference.

And if you are looking for a gentle way to create calm moments with both your baby and toddler, I’ve got something special for you… You can download my free guide with four simple baby massage routines designed to soothe your baby and give your toddler a role too! While you massage your baby, your toddler can copy the strokes on a teddy or doll, creating a peaceful bonding moment for everyone. Grab your copy today at MyBabyMassage.net/routines, that’s MyBabyMassage.net/routines. And if you found today’s episode helpful, please share it with a friend or mom. You know, it might just be the support she needs.

You’ll find everything mentioned today in the show notes. Thanks so much for listening, and until next time, wishing you calm days and peaceful nights.